I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
