Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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