wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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