Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
