Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
