So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
