I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
