I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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