I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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