I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
