Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
