I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
