Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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