All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
