Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
