my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
