i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
