Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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