How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
