the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read