Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels