are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.