Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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