and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
