why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
