You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
