hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
