My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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