shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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