If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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