are you so shy because you have an std?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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