Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
