call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
