you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
