I hate your face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize