it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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