nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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