K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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