Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
