I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just blew my weed a kiss
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
