haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
