I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
