Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
