We named our party play list daddy issues
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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