I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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