I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
