I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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