She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
