Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
