I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Be still, my beating vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
