I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
