Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
