You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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