I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just pee around me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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