You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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