woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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