I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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