I smell stomach acid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
