you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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