Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm jealous of your bromance
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
