chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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