btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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