Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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