He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
