So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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