Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
